I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
