STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
