rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
