I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
