I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
