dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
