return my video game
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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