if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
