She said her name was "party"
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
