Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
