I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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