; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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