Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
