I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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