the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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