I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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