Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
