i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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