No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
