And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
