I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
