I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Someone signed my nipple.
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