I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
