well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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