Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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