The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
