I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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