i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
