his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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