I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
