ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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