Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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