I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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