The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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