We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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