I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i already hear my dad disowning me
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
