Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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