I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
