it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
