I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
