His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
