Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
