ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm like, not good at living.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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