Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
