What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
