wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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