Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
