Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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