My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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