blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
